.music.love.life.bliss~

.thats the nic for fb for the moment. fyi.

stumbled upon old acquaintances' blogs just now... people are weird, aint we? if its all pink and rosy, we get jealous and want the best for ourselves or think its just a front. when its bad, you are snickering and counting your lucky stars... however childish, however mean, i am glad for who and what i am.

granted,
1) i still take my families for granted.. i am not always treating them as they should be treated. when tears fall, the words of encouragement are thin, cold and useless.. when hearts are broken, the pain is not felt. i argue too much, flare up too often, i sulk over trival matters...
2) my work is not as mentally exhausting as my friends' who spend their days and nights in the office. i dont think work should define me, now that the time is ripe for other meaningful life development but as study defines my life as long as i am a student, i want my work to be featured heavily in later stages. i hold on to the unwavering belief that while work should be pleasurable and enjoyable (throw in great people, good environment and high-potential pay as bonuses), it doesnt mean it wouldnt be hard, long and heavy. that is why there are so many perks, the pay, the people, the company's values. you need to be able to pull your weight around. while i know we do tend to want the world and power when we graduate and why that it is not possible. However i do appreciate meaningful job existence, purpose in the tasks and a strong path towards the sky, peppered with a health dose of reality...
3) despite years of work to became a more ideal me, that has yet to materialize. the moment i see a glimpse of hope and a tiny expression of that idealism, it disappear with my next wilful act... i do need to take my life more seriously, to feel that "this is it". there isnt second take, there isnt second chance, this is my life.live it. you would think i would have learn that by now...
4) failed my SCI test for the 3 days crash course on General Insurance... but to be fair, i was drained from the start of the internship to memorized for the test and i seriously think that marketing modules have encourage the smoking and fumbling through papers, reports rather than memorizing them dutifully... also, the passing grad was approximately 7/26 (+/-4) and i did pass the current internship company's internal accreditation (Business Acumen~)
5) i dont (has never and is still not) spend enough time with the ones i love most and those that love me the most. i dont say that often, i dont show that often, i dont feel them often even if there are in my heart. time is precious. we are wasting our youth and time
6) i am stuffing myself silly with food and sweet things. I dont seem to feel, or at least my stomach doesnt, the need to stop feeding, to feel fulfilled and content unless the meals ends with chocolate and sweets. i dont move enough and extra calories are just a step closer to the Grim Reaper...

see there are only 6 exceptions and huge as there are... i think i am fairly happily blessed. i am in my last uni year and despite all the complaints, all the dreading (of bidding modules and getting them..) i am looking forward to year 4 when i will be working super hard and striving all the way... i love the way it made me feel alive even when it took away lots of my fav alone time, plenty of family bonding... i wanna feel alive and breathing strongly for each breath.

i am happy, beyond the pursuit of boys, partners, shopping, the bags (and clothes and food). problems and worries that plagued me last year/months are still stalking me sometimes, too close for comfort....

yet looking at how these people face their problems, their worries, their situation, i feel so much more blessed than they are. maybe because i have been through a lots of bad patches when i feel like them, beaten, down and hugely because i am always positive than negative/half filled rather than half empty...
maybe bestie may disagree. cause i complaint toooooo much, nagged tooo much, dont seem to appreciate the success (i dont think that is a weakness though btw)...

but i did say i am happy about who i am, what i have done with my life (though i should have been here much faster if i have been more hardworking)and the people in my world... not that i am perfect right?

i dont connect to people, i know that more and more. i can talk, i can joke and have fun but there seems to be an barrier, to allow me to connect in terms of thinking, understanding and action with the rest of the population except old friends... and even them, i feel i havent been the best friend to hang around. and while this depresses me some times, i dont think it is something i can overcome (maybe i dont want to?!)as fast as it is needed.

and so, i am happy. i love myself the most. and yet, as usual work-in-progess is still relevant

i hope i am getting this right...

do these people know? know that they are part of an incredible piece of legendary history?
For me, Jackson has always be the Wacko rather than the King. Simply because I was kinda born in the middle no men's land generation isnt?
Which is a pity cause he is revolutionary in what he does. I do think the best kind starts young. Because they lost so much of their youth, sacrifice so much... they havent see life, havent lived.. there isnt a normalcy, there isnt a world where they arent mobbed, grabbed, revered and criticised...their lives revolve around and on the stage.

He said, the stage was and still is his home. how beautifully sad. it would have been best if he could have been seen in his concerts...

I looked at his past clips, of his dances, his moves, his attire, his fashion and he acts like he is the King. you looked at that and thinks no one can beat that... and no wonder his body gave in. to have burn your existence for performing, for the stage. i think he deserve some respect for what he does, no matter your taste in music, your preference in the type of talent. to have the will and passion to go through what he has been through. I dont think it is something everyone could have done it. Its not that the others didnt work hard. I am sure they do but his work, his legacy deserve a place somewhere not all can reach.