rambling~~

i reckon, starbucks or biz sch frappachino or mocha freeze is like falling in love.
it gives you a high. sugar or caffine or chocolate-y. whatever.. at first
then it seem to weigh on you, tiring and draining yr energy...
before it drops a bomb on you and kapooo... yr brain is in overdrive and running non-stop like a hamster on a wheel.
tired as you are, you cant rest or sleep

its the same with love isit? even though i never experience it :)
its sweet rush at first
then the nitty gritty and small things get to you
and at the end, even when you want to let go,it doesnt go off?!

haha, worse is, you look back and think you can do better than that.

...you belong with me....

You're on the phone with your girlfriend
She's upset.
She's going off about something that you said
'Cuz she doesn't get your humor like I do...
I'm in the room
It's a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like
And she'll never know your story like I do'

But she wears short skirts
I wear T-shirts
She's cheer captain
And I'm in the bleachers
Dreaming about the day when you wake up
And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see
You belong with me
You belong with me

Walk in the streets with you and your worn-out jeans
I can't help thinking this is how it ought to be
Laughing on a park bench, thinking to myself
Hey isn't this easy

And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down
You say your fine
I know you better then that
Hey whatcha doing with a girl like that

Standing by and waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know
Baby...
You belong with me
You belong with me

Oh'
I remember you drivin' to my house in the middle of the night
I'm the one who makes you laugh
When you know you're about to cry
And I know your favorite songs
And you tell me about your dreams
I think I know where you belong
I think I know it's with me...

Can't you see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along
So why can't you see
You belong with me

You belong with me
Have you ever thought just maybe
You belong with me?
You belong with

its when i listen to such songs, these high school drama when i wonder, why cant my sch days be normal and like that too? somewhat sweet, somewhat bitter but a whole lot of youth and vibrance... that's what being young means right? to fall in love, to fall out of love, to have your heart broken even if that's not what you wish for, to feel the fluttering of butterflies in stomach, to feel your heart beating so fast... that's what youth feels like isit?

on a completely unrelated note (or not~), why does it feel harder and harder, so much more tiring to lead a discussion, to know your stuff and lead the rest towards that... gosh i feel old.

rambling....

he said: you can never completely know a person.
she said: but you can know what she or he is like.

I am not asking for a fairy tale. a happily ever after. I know that it takes a lot of work and effort. It is a constant struggle. that sometimes, you feel like giving up and calling it quites. that it cant be rosy and sweet all the time, that sometimes you get so tired of the nuances and small unimportant things. that everything seems pointless...
I dont think I really understand what is required in a relationship...or for that matter how to act and get along in a relationship

but I do know what I want and what I need to do in one.

There is no reason that I should get into one if there is no utility and benefit from it. if all I get is grief and sadness then there is no way I am getting myself into the mess. I want someone to be there for me. To trust, understand and respect me even when he doesnt always agree, even when I am not always perfect. In the same trend of thoughts, what I am needed to do is to stand by him, to make him a better person than he can ever be, alone or with someone else. To make him a bigger man, to trust in him, to invest in him, to make sure that he continues to be as great as he can be, with or without me. that to me, is a strong lady, and that is what I strive to be always, if I am ever in a relationship.

I dont need the chemistry, the spark.. all that crap. I think I heard that x miles above ground. in the middle of nowhere. from watching he's just not that into you, from justin long's character.. that all these chemistry, all that love at first sight, all that fluttering hearts and sweating palms are all crap. sure you get nervous. who wouldnt get nervous when you are meeting a stranger whom you know will be featured heavily in your life, whom can control your emotions, now till a long time. but all that talk about being not suitable because there is no chemistry, no passion. that's bull.

Love, I can tell Buffy now, doesnt need hurt and pain to make it feel more real. Love needs effort, needs your commitment to do well. to feel real, to feel the passion and fire. Because you are willing to give your all to make sure that everything is worth it, to make sure that he is the person that you are going to spend the rest of your live with, that is why there is passion and undying promise to continue on...

That heart, that tenacious determination, that unfaltering faith and belief are what make it beautiful, thats what make it..love. Love can fade. Love can suddenly vanish. Love can becomes less and less like what it used to look like and become more and more like what responsibility feels like. But that heart. that faith cant.

did i not say lately?! I loooooove smallville.

okies fine fine I loooooooooove clois.. I am really! with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and being the woman behind him... OMY!!!! I think I speak on behalf of many many smallville fans, that we have waited soooo long for them to get together... I really hope thats their true true love scene (not the crap like in bones, though I still love emily and david~) cause its been sooo long!!! and hopefully its like in the 1st few epp...

I really am looking forward to this since lois came to the show and I have said a lot of time, that I watch smallville for Clark and Lois, the awkward moments, the sparks, the connection, the wow factor, the chemistry, the brewing undercurrent. hark, whatever you call it... I have watched sooo long for this.. I hope they make it perfect. Why is it that we find it boring to see how couples manage their relationships? it is not alway exciting only when they fight and quarrel! it is fun when they are all lovey and dovey too! We can do sweet and nice scenes and be happy with that!

P/S: Tom IS superman. I love whoeverwhoever (I know I know, I use to dig him in the 1st movie~) but really, after 9 seasons, it IS Tom.. and ditto for Lois, kate was unbelievably weak and unworthly of such a feisty character...

music's magic power!

.my fb nic at the moment.

sitting here, tired like hell after a week's of work but just sitting here, just comfortable in bed with vv and listening to the fray's never say never and i feel the world is a happier place for me.

listening and let it wash all over me and letting it heal and smooth and message my tired soul.

.music.love.life.blessed~

.music.love.life.bliss~

.thats the nic for fb for the moment. fyi.

stumbled upon old acquaintances' blogs just now... people are weird, aint we? if its all pink and rosy, we get jealous and want the best for ourselves or think its just a front. when its bad, you are snickering and counting your lucky stars... however childish, however mean, i am glad for who and what i am.

granted,
1) i still take my families for granted.. i am not always treating them as they should be treated. when tears fall, the words of encouragement are thin, cold and useless.. when hearts are broken, the pain is not felt. i argue too much, flare up too often, i sulk over trival matters...
2) my work is not as mentally exhausting as my friends' who spend their days and nights in the office. i dont think work should define me, now that the time is ripe for other meaningful life development but as study defines my life as long as i am a student, i want my work to be featured heavily in later stages. i hold on to the unwavering belief that while work should be pleasurable and enjoyable (throw in great people, good environment and high-potential pay as bonuses), it doesnt mean it wouldnt be hard, long and heavy. that is why there are so many perks, the pay, the people, the company's values. you need to be able to pull your weight around. while i know we do tend to want the world and power when we graduate and why that it is not possible. However i do appreciate meaningful job existence, purpose in the tasks and a strong path towards the sky, peppered with a health dose of reality...
3) despite years of work to became a more ideal me, that has yet to materialize. the moment i see a glimpse of hope and a tiny expression of that idealism, it disappear with my next wilful act... i do need to take my life more seriously, to feel that "this is it". there isnt second take, there isnt second chance, this is my life.live it. you would think i would have learn that by now...
4) failed my SCI test for the 3 days crash course on General Insurance... but to be fair, i was drained from the start of the internship to memorized for the test and i seriously think that marketing modules have encourage the smoking and fumbling through papers, reports rather than memorizing them dutifully... also, the passing grad was approximately 7/26 (+/-4) and i did pass the current internship company's internal accreditation (Business Acumen~)
5) i dont (has never and is still not) spend enough time with the ones i love most and those that love me the most. i dont say that often, i dont show that often, i dont feel them often even if there are in my heart. time is precious. we are wasting our youth and time
6) i am stuffing myself silly with food and sweet things. I dont seem to feel, or at least my stomach doesnt, the need to stop feeding, to feel fulfilled and content unless the meals ends with chocolate and sweets. i dont move enough and extra calories are just a step closer to the Grim Reaper...

see there are only 6 exceptions and huge as there are... i think i am fairly happily blessed. i am in my last uni year and despite all the complaints, all the dreading (of bidding modules and getting them..) i am looking forward to year 4 when i will be working super hard and striving all the way... i love the way it made me feel alive even when it took away lots of my fav alone time, plenty of family bonding... i wanna feel alive and breathing strongly for each breath.

i am happy, beyond the pursuit of boys, partners, shopping, the bags (and clothes and food). problems and worries that plagued me last year/months are still stalking me sometimes, too close for comfort....

yet looking at how these people face their problems, their worries, their situation, i feel so much more blessed than they are. maybe because i have been through a lots of bad patches when i feel like them, beaten, down and hugely because i am always positive than negative/half filled rather than half empty...
maybe bestie may disagree. cause i complaint toooooo much, nagged tooo much, dont seem to appreciate the success (i dont think that is a weakness though btw)...

but i did say i am happy about who i am, what i have done with my life (though i should have been here much faster if i have been more hardworking)and the people in my world... not that i am perfect right?

i dont connect to people, i know that more and more. i can talk, i can joke and have fun but there seems to be an barrier, to allow me to connect in terms of thinking, understanding and action with the rest of the population except old friends... and even them, i feel i havent been the best friend to hang around. and while this depresses me some times, i dont think it is something i can overcome (maybe i dont want to?!)as fast as it is needed.

and so, i am happy. i love myself the most. and yet, as usual work-in-progess is still relevant

i hope i am getting this right...

do these people know? know that they are part of an incredible piece of legendary history?
For me, Jackson has always be the Wacko rather than the King. Simply because I was kinda born in the middle no men's land generation isnt?
Which is a pity cause he is revolutionary in what he does. I do think the best kind starts young. Because they lost so much of their youth, sacrifice so much... they havent see life, havent lived.. there isnt a normalcy, there isnt a world where they arent mobbed, grabbed, revered and criticised...their lives revolve around and on the stage.

He said, the stage was and still is his home. how beautifully sad. it would have been best if he could have been seen in his concerts...

I looked at his past clips, of his dances, his moves, his attire, his fashion and he acts like he is the King. you looked at that and thinks no one can beat that... and no wonder his body gave in. to have burn your existence for performing, for the stage. i think he deserve some respect for what he does, no matter your taste in music, your preference in the type of talent. to have the will and passion to go through what he has been through. I dont think it is something everyone could have done it. Its not that the others didnt work hard. I am sure they do but his work, his legacy deserve a place somewhere not all can reach.